After three months, I have lost 18 pounds, however most of that weight loss came in the first two months of my program. My struggle has been a yo yo routine of gaining 5 pounds and losing 5 pounds, then gaining 5 pounds and losing 5 pounds. I have felt frustrated, angry at myself and like a failure. My inner critical voices kept telling me that I will never succeed. My therapist suggested that I had reached an emotional barrier, and what I discovered with her help is that I started to avoid my emotions. When I don’t deal with my emotions, I binge eat and make unhealthy food choices. This happened during the month of March.
I experienced the emotions of fear, loneliness, depression and anxiety because of my financial issues and back pain. It looks like I will be facing surgery to repair a slipped disc pinching on my nerves. I also may have to sell my house to make ends meet.
My therapist recommended finding ways to self-soothe and comfort myself when experiencing these difficult emotions. Some suggestions included sitting in a hot bath or jaccuzzi, cooking a nice healthy meal for myself rather than going out to eat, and being with friends. She also reminded me that if I can just sit with the emotion for as little as 10 minutes, it will usually dissipate. I have this unrealistic fear/belief that if I sit with the emotion, it will kill me.
By identifying why I am reaching for food, I can make a conscious decision about whether to eat OR how to comfort myself in a different way than unconscious eating.
The GOOD news is that despite my struggles and inner critical voices, I am learning to make behavioral changes, have lost weight and have seen improvement in my overall stats. Also, except for 3 days when I was sick with a cold, I have not missed any workouts at the gym in 3 months! My thanks goes out to Bud, my trainer, my therapists, and my friends and family for their continued support in this endeavor. I would not be where I am in this journey without their encouragement!!!
